Thank you for your delightful synopsis. While I still have no desire to actually see the film, I'm glad that now its existence has brought me amusement.

I went to the first Alien v. Predator film (typed like that it looks like it should be a legal thriller, which would be amusing.) I suspect that the only reason I don't refer to it as two hours of my life I'll never get back is because I fell asleep. I had a lovely nap. (It was part of a triple-feature at the drive-in and the screen was too dark to see the effects anyway.)