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Stress of epic proportions.
Mar. 13th, 2014 07:30 pm So, I am freaking the fuck out at the moment. Like, epic, massive mood-down freaking out. I can't sleep. I am trapped between my comfort-eating instincts and a serious feeling of stress-induced nausea. I am constantly tired, but at the same time I have no time to sort it out or rest. I am literally running out of time.
Oh, and my new antidepressants cause weight gain. -__-; Which is why all my effort to eat well last week (despite having no cash) came to nothing and I put weight on. And since these pills are actually working (I dread to think how crazy I would be right now without them!) I will not be changing them any time soon. So yeah, after all this effort, looks like I am going to balloon again. Joy.
My course finishes in September. This is one of my stresses.
I have workbooks to do.
I have an 8000 word dissertation to do.
I have competencies to get signed off, despite being given new mentors and having mentors not showing up.
I have clinical hours in placement to finish.
I have no time for any of this. If I do my clinical hours, I am too tired to work. I can't take time off from placement to my workbooks and essay. I am basically trapped between a rock and a hard place. >_>; And yes, I know other people have managed this, and we are all stressed on this course and all the rest... but goddamn, this is fucking hard!!
My other big stress is money. I have applied to the uni hardship fund, but have been turned down because they are oversubscribed and as a single person with no dependants, I am basically bottom of the pile. I totally get that, but it is still a big blow. My grants and student loan basically don't cover all my expenses, and I have been eeking out a living so far by being careful and relying on Dad for help at times. This year, that is getting even tighter and I feel like I am bleeding him dry. I have (and am still) selling pretty much anything I own of value, save for my dolls, to try and get by, but to no avail. I literally lie awake at night worrying about this- and worse, worrying about how I am going to clear my credit rating to get a house/car once I am qualified. It's horrible.
Oddly enough, though, ranting about this on here makes me feel better. It's one of the things I love about blogs.
And life isn't all bad- my bonsai trees look healthy, I am surprisingly healthy (still have low cholesterol and still no diabetes that we know off...), I have finished my transition as far as ops and medication goes.... I have a lovely partner.... yeah. Life could definitely be worse. I just wish I could get some sleep. I think that would help a lot.
Oh, and my new antidepressants cause weight gain. -__-; Which is why all my effort to eat well last week (despite having no cash) came to nothing and I put weight on. And since these pills are actually working (I dread to think how crazy I would be right now without them!) I will not be changing them any time soon. So yeah, after all this effort, looks like I am going to balloon again. Joy.
My course finishes in September. This is one of my stresses.
I have workbooks to do.
I have an 8000 word dissertation to do.
I have competencies to get signed off, despite being given new mentors and having mentors not showing up.
I have clinical hours in placement to finish.
I have no time for any of this. If I do my clinical hours, I am too tired to work. I can't take time off from placement to my workbooks and essay. I am basically trapped between a rock and a hard place. >_>; And yes, I know other people have managed this, and we are all stressed on this course and all the rest... but goddamn, this is fucking hard!!
My other big stress is money. I have applied to the uni hardship fund, but have been turned down because they are oversubscribed and as a single person with no dependants, I am basically bottom of the pile. I totally get that, but it is still a big blow. My grants and student loan basically don't cover all my expenses, and I have been eeking out a living so far by being careful and relying on Dad for help at times. This year, that is getting even tighter and I feel like I am bleeding him dry. I have (and am still) selling pretty much anything I own of value, save for my dolls, to try and get by, but to no avail. I literally lie awake at night worrying about this- and worse, worrying about how I am going to clear my credit rating to get a house/car once I am qualified. It's horrible.
Oddly enough, though, ranting about this on here makes me feel better. It's one of the things I love about blogs.
And life isn't all bad- my bonsai trees look healthy, I am surprisingly healthy (still have low cholesterol and still no diabetes that we know off...), I have finished my transition as far as ops and medication goes.... I have a lovely partner.... yeah. Life could definitely be worse. I just wish I could get some sleep. I think that would help a lot.
